The Pram In The Hall

  “Is there any room at the inn?” I ask my mum. “What do you mean?” she replies. I tell her that we came home to a leak in our study; the light fixture is dripping water and we’ve turned the electrics off as a precaution. Consequently, we turn up to my mum’s a day early, Christmas Eve, with two beautiful boys and a boot-full of presents in tow. My mum invites us into our stable family home and ushers us through to the living room. It is Kit’s bedtime, but there are a few jobs that need doing before he goes to bed. A carrot has to be left for the reindeer and a Pale Ale left for Santa. (I was thinking Santa could do with a Mighty Meteor from Dominos and a profiterole pudding from M&S, but Harriet said Santa shouldn’t be so greedy). Kit then climbs the stairs and is wrapped into his bed. Good night, little one, see you at Christmas. Jude is downstairs watching The Bake Off with his mum and grandma, whilst his dad reads his book. The presents are then brought down and pu...

  And Finally … In a year where the term cost-of-living was on everyone’s lips, it’s perhaps worth remembering there are profits to existence too. In a small pocket of Bedfordshire a baby experienced his first snow. Jude Ellis Theivamanoharan is the name, snow angels his game. (Video of Jude playing in the snow) Excited by the clouds tickertape parade, Jude’s family took him out to celebrate nature's pageantry. As well as a penguin suit and personalized hat, Jude wore the broadest of smiles. Not since records began has a smile so broad been found on so young a person.     (Cut to VT of mum, Harriet) “We weren’t sure how he would feel being out in the snow. We wrapped him up warm, fearing that he could get very cold otherwise. I thought I’d keep him out there for a minute or two, but he loved it so much that I kept him out for a good twenty minutes.” To paraphrase an old favourite, “There’s no business like snow business.” For children like Jude snow is a very i...

  Brothers I want them to be Brothers I don’t want them to be Alistair Brownlee helping Jonnie cross the line together. Mycroft Holmes crossing swords with Sherlock. The Marx brothers making comedy together. The Brothers Grimsby: not one of Sacha Baron Cohen’s best. Ray and Dave Davies form The Kinks in 1964. Dave calls Ray a ‘megalomaniac’ and ‘vampire.’ The Wright Brothers take to the skies. Claudius and King Hamlet (I'm not letting Jude put anything near Kit's ear). The Klitschko brothers refuse to fight each other. Liam Gallagher inciting Noel to fight at every opportunity. William and Harry as children. William and Harry as men. The Chuckle Brothers working alongside each other for 50 years. Phil and Gary Neville: there’s just a gulf in class there. Leon’s devoti...

                                                         Good-List/Bad-List Evaluation Report Name: Jude Theivamanoharan Date of Birth: 7/8/22 Sex: Male Country of Birth: United Kingdom   Bad List Jude’s approach to nappy-free time frequently leaves his mother urine-sodden He will often liberate his bladder over her, displaying no remorse; in fact, cheekily smiling afterwards. Whenever Jude appears to be sleeping soundly, he will upend it by having a disrupted night. It is as though he is toying with his parents, dangling sleepful nights in front of them and then snatching them away, quite literally dashing their dreams. In addition to this, Jude’s bottom is louder than a Salvation Army Brass Band. He is utterly shameless about this, believing it appropriate to toot whatever the occasion. I fear his irreverence should he ev...