The Pram In The Hall

  1.      The pooeywater-gate scandal. 2.      Running an evacuation drill again and again. 3.      Clearing out your intray 4.      Taking many trips to the dump. 5.      Paddington Brown visits town. 6.      A repeat viewing of a shit TV show. 7.      In which the toilet is introduced to Winnie the Pooh. 8.      Soggy bottom on a batch of chocolate brownies. 9.      Fire in the hole. 10.   A toilet bowl under siege from heavy bum fire. 11.   Cleansing your arsehole. 12.   Having a staycation on the loo.

  And here is where your new room will be, sir. The first thing I want you to be made aware of is the bookcase on the left. Currently, you are in your mum and dad’s room where much of the reading material is about teaching: resources, revision guides and research material. Here it is all fiction. Facts and wonder don't make fine bedfellows, so savour the spirited prose floating overhead. Just ahead you’ll notice a ball pool as well. This is somewhere you’ll be able to dive into and splash around in sensory play. And the best bit of this particular pool? You can’t get wet. It’s all the fun of swimming without the fuss of getting dry. To your right you’ll recognise a collection of teddies. These come in all shapes and sizes. Some have been donated, others won on teddy pickers, but whatever their background they’re there to provide you with snuggles and cuddles. Next to this, you would have noted your own wardrobe. Currently, your parents have had to carry you up or down stair...

Warwick Castle We went to this castle- not for the castle, but the park. My brother loves the Julia Donaldson books so much - his favourite is Zog . At Warwick Castle they have a whole playground dedicated to the book, meaning you can go down the dragon slide, enter the lion’s cave and zipwire towards the mermaid. At first, he was quite confused: it was as though the pages of his book had swallowed him up and made him a part of the world. My daddy said he would like the same to happen to him in The Great Gastby . (Sounds like a superhero comic – like Supertato ). In time though my brother loved it. Most of the time he’s kind to me: getting me toys and telling me ‘it’s ok’ when I cry, so I was happy to see him happy. For those of you interested in history, the castle was established in 1068 by William the Conqueror and was used as a military stronghold until the early 17 th century. Sir Grenville, treasurer of the navy, was then gifted the castle in 1604. My first birthday is comin...

  Thank you for filling in this customer feedback form. Your opinions are highly valued and are, we promise, acted upon. If you can fill in your answers as accurately as possible, it will help your dad understand how best to meet your needs in the future.   1.       How would you describe the getting ready experience? o    Slicker than Jack Grealish’s hair. o    Like a well-drilled pit-stop: off and on within seconds. o    Akin to   a makeover in a children’s TV advert: magically transformative. ü   Nowhere near as good as it is with Mum.   2.       How would you describe the conversation on the way to shopping? o    Akin to being in the company of a master anecdotalist. o    Like the best stories on the Graham Norton Show, only one after the other. o    As though PG Wodehouse and Norah Ephron had co-written dad's dialogue. ü ...