The Pram In The Hall

 Type of Writing: 1st birthday party written in the style of a Hello celebrity article. Hawaiian shirt: Sainsbury's.  On Saturday Kit James Raj celebrated his first birthday in true al fresco style. With restrictions still in place, a blue marque with side panels was the setting for the showbiz event of the year. Given the ‘rule of six,’ a strict two in, two out protocol was in place to ensure numbers were kept legal, thus avoiding the outcry Rita Ora’s celebrity bash invited last year. Golden tickets were in short supply then with just a few fortunates permitted to cross the side gate of the Woodhouse residence. Arriving first at 9.30 were Dec and Beth. Dec sporting charcoal trousers and a blue varsity hoodie looked every inch the Ivy League student, whilst Beth’s pairing of black ripped jeans and green soft-shell jacket demonstrated the perfect blend of fashionable and practical. Overheard were conversations around Motherland series 3, UK holiday destinations and Dec’s for...

 Type of Writing : An end-of-year report. Art Kit continues to produce art at a prolific rate.   My only concern is whether the well will run dry. Look at other great creatives: Paul McCartney, Woody Allen and Madonna. Three people whom enjoyed success for a period of time, then produced diminished work. In Miyazaki’s The Wind Rises the protagonist Jiro states, ‘Artists are only creative for ten years …Live your ten years to the full.’ Given Kit’s extraordinary genius, I recommend he make hay while the sun shines – his talent can’t last forever.   Drama Kit has developed into quite the ‘ham.’ His over-dramatic acting is influenced by the Blessed method, a shouty style that puts volume at the centre. You can hear his full vocal projection when his face is wiped or his wants denied. Able to access rage easily, he is a young Jack Nicholson. Music Last month, Kit was bought a guitar from Dec and Beth. This adds to the glockenspiel, tambourine, and keyboard which he ...

 Type of Writing: Pastiche of 'On The Way Home' by Jill Murray. Kit had cut his mouth, so he set off home to tell his dad all about it. Journeying through Kew Gardens, Kit met Veronica. “Look at my cut mouth,” said Kit. “How did you do it?” asked Veronica. “ Well ,” said Kit, “you know the Great Pagoda by the Lion’s Gate exit? Yes, the one adorned with 80 dragons. The thing is they all came to life and in complete synchronicity, like a Greek chorus, bellowed hot flames right onto my top lip, and that’s how I got blood in my mouth.” “Jesus and the Twelve Disciples!” said Veronica. Then Kit met Jeremy. “Look at my cut mouth,” said Kit. “How did you do it?” asked Jeremy. “ Well ,” said Kit, “you know the Japanese Gateway, just north-east of the Pagoda? I was there minding my own business, having a light bite, when I was set upon by a band of Samurai. Yes, the military warriors of the medieval and early-Japan period. They had a plethora of weapons: bows, arrows an...