Week 8: Small Print

Type of writing: Small print disclaimer, probably inspired by the Points System in Netflix's The Good Place.

Time took: 1 hour and 15 minutes.
The world welcomes you Kit James Raj, but accepts no personal responsibility for the following:

People who use hands-free when their hands are free. Automated calls. Injury time substitutions. Drivers that pointlessly overtake. Rain when you’ve just put the washing out. Flag waving politics.  “Oh, how haven’t you seen that.” Internet experts. Diminishing weight of packets of crisps. Diminishing size of chocolate bars. Prawn cocktail. Strawberry Cream. Coconut eclair. Money as a measure of success. Style over substance. Talking at the theatre. Queues at Alton Towers. Facebook posts that read like press releases. Binary political discourse. Competitive parenting. Not checking the Sell By Date before you buy. 24-hour news. The Sun newspaper. Movie sequels (apart from The Godfather and Toy Story). All Lives Matter. Short attention spans. Dinner parties. Loud phone calls on public transport. Culturally appropriated tattoos. Reality TV memoirs. Banter. Mugs where the handle aren't wide enough. Impatience with learner drivers. The Old Boys Network. “What’s the point in learning this?” Drama being valued more than Comedy. Old pubs made to look new. Forgetting a pound for the trolley. A bird shitting on the car you’ve just washed. A top-level parking space. Missing a junction.  The proliferation of choice. Extending popular TV shows when from a narrative standpoint it would have been better if they just ended. Drilling down. Let’s unpack that. Judging someone on the colour of their spelling, as opposed to the content of their characters. Looking down on others. Long goodbyes. A dinner that you took hours to make and tastes like garbage. Billionaires living in tax havens. The term ‘low skilled workers.’ The demonisation of immigrants. Repeats of programmes you didn’t like in the first place. Spiel. Waffle. Cliché. Politicians that tweet. Conversations about renovations. Forgetting to take something out of the freezer. Privileged white dudes writing novels about privileged white dudes and receiving critical acclaim from privileged white dudes. Action movies that forget to have something between the bangs. Music being consumed, not heard. No one ever saying, ‘We need to invest in the Arts.’ Shock jocks. Jeans with holes in. Jars that are difficult to open. Literally.



We accept no liability for any personal accident, damage, loss or global pandemic you may face. We cannot guarantee you happiness. All responsibility for your future success or failure rests with you and your family alone. Good luck out there. Despite everything, we’re rooting for you.  


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