Week 9: Medical Advice

Type of Writing: Medical leaflet.

Time spent writing: Just over an hour.

                                                                  


Vaccination and Immunisation

NHS England
  
      What vaccinations your child is having
      a)     6-1 vaccine
      b)    RV vaccine
      c)     MenB vaccine

   What they will be immunised against
  •           Diphtheria
  •           Hepatitis B
  •           Polio
  •           Tetanus
  •           Hib
  •           Whooping cough
  •           Rotavirus
  •           MenB


3.     Possible side-effects

High-pitched crying: likely to occur at the point of injection. The baby may cry too.

Feelings of betrayal: the baby may wonder why on earth the people appointed to protect them have put them in this position.

Shitting: following baby paracetamol, this may happen with more frequency. It may even occur in a mother’s hand. The child will be cleaned up. The child will then revert back to shitting. The child will then be cleaned up. This hygiene dance could last a considerable time.

Paranoia: parents may feel the need to check their child’s temperature routinely, as though they are border control and their baby an airline passenger in the Covid age.

Inconsolable crying: the baby may cry too.

False sense of hope: the baby may stop crying. Don’t be fooled; they will start again.

Feelings of revenge: the parent who took their child for the jab will insist on the other parent taking them next time, so they can be seen as ‘The Evil Parent.’

Feeling of being needed: your child may cling onto your body like a rock climber whose realised they’ve bitten off more than they can chew.

 Feeling of helplessness: parents will realise their child will experience further pain and discomfort in their life and there’s nothing they can do to stop it.

Reporting side-effects
There is no need to do this. All of the above are perfectly normal. It’s the consequence for keeping your baby and other babies safe. The alternative is not having them vaccinated because of some crazy theory that the government are trying to contaminate your child with Illuminati juice or a 5G signal.

Further Information

The baby will only cry for a few hours really. They will settle. If you’re dad, it might be the first time you’ve felt truly needed by your child. It’s no bad thing.


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