Week 22: 100 Akre Wood

 Type of Writing: An A.A. Milne inspired piece on Kit's day at Aldenham's 100 Acre Wood.



“What about a story?” said Kit James Raj.

“What about a story?” I said.

“Could you very sweetly tell me one?”

“I suppose I could.”

*                                                                      *                                                                     *

 

Once upon a time about last Friday, a boy named Kit James Raj went to The Hundred Acre Wood with his mum and two grandmas.

(“Is that me?” Kit James Raj Theivamanoharan asked.

“I don’t think there are any other Kit James Raj Theivamanoharan’s,” I replied.

“I suppose you’re right.”

“I suppose I am.”)

 

One day on this Friday, Kit James Raj and his mum and grandmas travelled the whole of the 100 Akre Wood. First, they stopped for honey with Winnie-The-Pooh. (This was on the proviso that they brought their own honey as he only had twenty-seven jars, so he had none going spare.) Next, they went to Eeyore’s Gloomy Place where Eeyore was looking very miserable.

“What’s wrong Eeyore?” Kit James Raj asked.

“What isn’t wrong? Donald Trump. Pandemic. Global Warming. In that order,” he replied.

“But Biden is ahead in the polls? He could be President by 4th November.”

“So, it’s still another four weeks of Trump then.”

When Eeyore was in that mood, there really was no pleasing him.

Next, Kit James Raj and his mum and two grandmas made their way to the river for a game of Poohsticks. Unfortunately, the grandmas didn’t consider cross sectional area, density and drag coefficient – consequently, their sticks didn’t go anywhere.

After, they stopped for a picnic in the rain. In all other countries a picnic in the rain is seen as a Disaster, but in Britain it’s the perfect accessory to cellophane snacks. Kit James Raj eyed up the food but because he wasn’t yet five months he was excluded from the blanket buffet.

Following this, they stopped off at Piglet’s house. At first, Kit James Raj’s crying scared Piglet. It was loud and hurt his ears. The more time he spent with the baby though the more he enjoyed his company. Everyone can seem scary when you first shake hands, but once you sit down and get to know someone they’re never so bad.

They then went to Owl’s House. Owl wanted to tell them a great long story about a flood he'd once experienced. Aware of the time and the parking fees, Kit James Raj’s mum excused them before Owl had a chance to blather on.

Last but not least, they came to Rabbit’s House.

Rabbit asked, “Who is group leader?”

The three women turned to Kit James Raj and pointed.

“No, that won’t do,” Rabbit said. “You’ll never find your way back to the Car Park with him in charge.”

“We found our way out of the Car Park, Rabbit,” replied Kit James Raj’s mum.

“Yes, if you can find your way out of something you can find your way back in,” concluded Kit James Raj.

Rabbit had no answer for this. He accepted this made a lot of sense and said no more about Group Leaders.

On the way back to the car they got lost and Kit James Raj’s mum had to consult Google Maps.

*                                                                      *                                                                     *

“Is that really the end?” asked Kit James Raj.

“There isn’t really such a thing as an ending, just a place where you put the last full stop,” I replied.

“That sounds like you’ve dressed up a poor conclusion with pseudo-wisdom.”

“You got me,” I replied. “Sorry, I’m just tired and I didn’t have the energy to wrap it up.”

“That’s alright, dad. I’m tired too,” Kit James Raj said, feeling my chin.

“Well, should we call it a night then?” I suggested.

He nodded and went out … and in a moment I heard him bump, bump, bump up the stairs.

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