Week 28: Rollin'

 Type of writing: Gymnastics commentary


Todd: And now ladies and gentlemen to the moment we’ve all been waiting for. Kit James Raj Theivamanoharan will attempt the triple roll. It has been quite a journey the young man has been on, from struggling to roll at all to getting to this stage today.

Steve: Yes, I remember when we were there for his first roll …

Todd: That one sure was unorthodox. Typically, babies roll from their back to their front. But Kit got a little back-to-front and did it the other way.

Steve: I know. It certainly goes against the grain. But then he found the back to belly really tricky. Took him a long time to master that. He just couldn’t extricate his arm, could he?

Todd: No, his coaches would shout, “Remove the arm, Kit!” But the boy just wouldn’t budge.

Steve: He’s always been single-minded, Todd.

Todd: Sure has, Steve. I guess it’s that kind of iron-will that’s got him where he has today.

Steve: What? To Dunstable.

Todd: Ha! Ha! No, to this world stage, where viewers at home have put down their phones, picked up their excitement to see if this young man can achieve the remarkable.

Steve: Well, we’re about to find out. Here he comes.

Todd: He looks focused. He’s gone to the Bureau de Change and exchanged his usual smile for all-out seriousness.

Steve: Yes, concentration is the currency he’s dealing in today.

Todd: Here he comes …

Steve: The first turn.

Todd: The second …

Steve: Can he?

Todd: He can.

Steve: And there it is. THE THIRD ROLL. THE THIRD CONSECUTIVE ROLL!

Todd: Utterly outrageous. Limp Bizkit "Rollin’ Rollin’ Rollin’."

Steve: What chutzpah from the boy. The difficulty rating for such a skill is beyond belief and to execute it with such elan is quite astonishing. The very audacity. It’s rude that’s what it is. It’s cheeky. Call the cops. It's indecent showboating.

Todd: But what’s this?

Steve: He’s still rolling. If he carries on there’s a danger he’s going to go off the mat.

Todd: A huge points deduction will follow.

Steve: He’s the wild boulder in Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Todd: Run Harrison. Run!

Steve: His coaches can’t quite believe what’s happened here.

Todd: He’s on a collision course with the coffee table.

Steve: He’s passed that. He’s on a collision course with the TV cabinet.

Todd: He’s passed that.

Steve: He’s coming for the judges table.

Todd and Steve: Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

(Kit crashes into judges table. His coaches scramble to check he’s ok. Out of the rubble, he smiles. A wrecking ball smile.)


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