Week 29: Rap Sheet

 Type of Writing: Crime report based on Kit's offences.



At 4:30 pm on May 25th 2020, I was dispatched to Dunstable regarding a crime spree. Harriet Theivam reported that her son Kit had committed a catalogue of offences.

The events she describes is as follows:

-        Ryan Theivam, father of Kit, was scratched first thing in the morning at around 6.30 am. This incident led to a drop of blood being visible on his cheek.

-         Later, at 12 30 pm she went to meet her mother, Allyson, grandmother to Kit. She described how he reached for Allyson’s silver necklace, pulling tightly on it. Inevitably, she said, the necklace was broken. Kit was seen jumping up and down on his mother, celebrating – her words – his plunder.

-        At around 3.30 pm, Kit sat on her lap. He was in vest and nappy. She describes how she didn’t put trousers on him because he had a light rash and wanted some air to get on it. She phoned her mother to apologise for the earlier incident. Whilst on the phone, Kit defecated through his nappy, soiling her person. Leaving the call, apprehending Kit, she made the way up the stairs to the changing mat, where the boy smiled at her.

At the end of this version of events, the mother appealed for me to talk to the child. She said that ‘affray, criminal damage and open defecation was quite a lot for one day.’ Aware of the need to be impartial, I did not pass judgement. Simply, I got down on my knees to address the child.

I spoke to him about his mum’s distress, his father’s agony, his grandmother’s shock; but the child turned his back on me, jumping up and down, biting into the throw that covered the sofa. I asked him to turn towards me; he continued to bite the throw. I asked again; he bit the throw. I felt this came under ‘wasting police time;’ consequently I read the boy his rights and took him to the car. Realising I didn’t have a baby seat, I called for back-up. A seat sourced, I cuffed the boy into the chair and took him to the local police station.

The custody sergeant met us at reception and asked: ‘Offence?’

I replied, ‘Wasting police time.’

He said, ‘Who: you or the baby?’

I replied, ‘The baby.’

He told me to shut up and get the boy some f***ing milk. 

I went to Asda and got some formula.


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