Week 34: The Lion's Roar

Type of Writing: Local radio show based on Kit having a meltdown on Dunstable Downs.

Life is a rollercoaster,

Just gotta ride it,

 I need you, ooh,

 So stop hiding,

Our love’s a mystery,

 Girl, let’s get inside it.

 

Sorry to interrupt Ronan there, but we’re hearing rumours of something quite worrying. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but there are reports that a lion might be on the loose. Yes, you heard correctly, a lion on the loose. Er… there’s talk across social media that a lion has been heard across the town. Dunstable Chat, the local community page, reported a surge in posts on the topic. One such person who wrote in, Albert Weathercock, is on the line now.

“Hi Albert.”

“Hi Graham.”

“What can you tell us about what you heard?”

“Well, it must have been about 8.45. Just over an hour ago when I heard it. I was just doing the washing up. Normally, I do the washing up in the evening, after dinner, you know how it is. I remember my mother once said to me, “Don’t go to bed on an argument and don’t go to bed with dirty dishes.” God bless her. So, normally the dishes are done. But it being new year I thought I would leave it. Be a bit of a treat for myself. So I was doing the washing up when I heard a sound that was unmistakably animalistic. No human could make that sound.”

“How did it sound?”

“It was a lion’s roar. Make no mistake about it. It was a lion’s roar.”

“So, what did you do?”

“Well, I live alone you see. So there was no one to check with. I didn’t think the tea towel would give me much in the way of an opinion. So I went on Facebook and there were already three messages by that point. By the time I had finished writing mine (I’m not a faster typer), there were seventy more.”

“Could you give us some more detail on the sound?”

“It sounded bestial. Like a cocktail of anger and trauma. It went on and on for about ten minutes. It was really upsetting and worrying as I know we have a zoo in the area, but I also know we live far away enough that it couldn’t have come from there.”

“So what else were people saying on Facebook?”

“Everyone else was saying it was best to stay in. Someone brought up how there were reports of a lion loose in Gloucestershire over the summer and how even though nothing was found there’s every chance it was a local authority cover-up and the lion was shot dead.”

“Thanks, Albert. The council have just issued a press release on this and have informed people to stay indoors until they can clear up the source of the sound.”

I’m sure listeners you’ll understand why we’re staying with this story. I’m sure you appreciate why we’re holding off with the music and competitions. I know it’s quite frightening for you so let me reassure you that here at Dunstable Digital we’re not just here to play you pop classics from Gareth Gates and Atomic Kitten, we’re here to serve the community too. As soon as we get more news, we’ll … Well as luck would have it, Dave Badger from Whipsnade Zoo has called in.

“Hi Dave, you’re through to Dunstable Digital. Have we got a lion on the loose?”

“No, we haven’t Graham and can I say it’s not helpful this rumour has spread.”

“So, your lions are safe are they?”

“Couldn’t be safer. They’ve all been checked and accounted for. No lion has left our zoo. No lion is prowling around the town looking for a supermarket to go into.”

“It’s just Albert was convinced he heard a lion.”

“He may have heard a sound, but it wasn’t a lion.”

“What was it then?”

“I don’t know. My job is to look after lions and I’m a little annoyed that people don’t think we’ve done that.”

“I don’t think people meant to offend, Dave; it’s just that the sound has shocked people. Let me just describe what people have heard, based on the Facebook page and e-mails we’ve received. People have described it as a ‘primal scream,’ ‘a nightmare put to sound,” “an unholy happening” and ‘a movie villain being defeated.’

“I don’t doubt they heard a sound. I do guarantee them it wasn’t a lion.”

“Thanks for calling in Dave.”

So Dave who works at the zoo isn’t convinced by what you the listeners have said and written. I do respect Dave yet there seems to be more of you who think it is a lion. If it’s one expert against a hundred Facebook posters, then I know who to lean towards. Let us know how you’re feeling about the lion on our streets right now. Do you think the zoo should be doing more to find this lion rather than putting Dave on to try and cover it up?

Another call now. It’s Tommy Mudbath from the café on the top of The Downs. I believe you might have something to add to this Tommy.

“Yes, that’s right. It wasn’t a lion; it was a baby.”

“A baby.”

“Yeah, I heard it with my own eyes and ears. I was just coming onto my shift when I heard it. It was blood-curdling and ear-piercing. I’m not surprised people heard it all over the town.”

“So, how did it happen?”

“I don’t know exactly. All I saw was a dad bouncing the kid up and down, saying, “There, there, Kit. It’s ok.” But the baby kept crying. It was the worst sound I’ve ever heard – and my girlfriend likes Heavy Metal music.” I know some of your listeners are a little skeptical, so I do have a recording if that helps.

“Go on, let’s have a listen.”

(Plays recording for a few seconds)

“Please stop it, Tommy. I can’t bear it any longer. Thanks for calling in and clearing that up.”

So there you have it pop fans, this is less a tale of a big cat and more a tale of a little Kit. I think it’s only appropriate now I play 1961 hit, ‘The Lion Sleeps Tonight’ by The Tokens.

Weeheeheehee dee heeheeheehee weeoh aweem away
Weeheeheehee dee heeheeheehee weeoh aweem away

In the jungle, the mighty jungle
The lion sleeps tonight