Week 49: The Thumb and Lanyard

 Type of Writing: Pub Menu inspired by Kit's pub experience

 


Origin Story

The Thumb and Lanyard was established in April 2021 after the proprietor Kit James Raj, aged 11 months, visited a tavern for the first time. Despite enjoying the pub experience, he felt it could have catered for his demographic better. With the thumb between his teeth, he drew up a business plan and secured an enterprise grant – the result: the walls you sit betwixt, the roof you sit under – The Thumb and Lanyard. Our name comes from Kit’s primary loves and explains why the pub doubles as a lanyard museum, exhibiting Europe’s largest collection of Work ID Badges. Why not bring your old ones in to help us take the world crown?

Here, all are welcome, but under 1s are prioritised. So thank you for coming. Pull up a high chair, take your dummy out and sup, sup, sup. We are formula. We are mother. ‘Breast is best?’ Not anymore. There’s a new drinking establishment in town: The Thumb and Lanyard. Enjoy your stay.

 

Drinks

The Thumb and Lanyard serves the alcoholic beverages that will cater for young child’s needs. In times of yore, a baby would have to endure a finger of whiskey or brandy to counteract the pain of teething. Here at The Thumb and Lanyard we don’t believe in enduring alcohol, but enjoying it. We’ve sent a team of baby experts across the country to select the beers that work for them. Here they are:

 

·       Against The Grain – Milk Stout - £3.90

·       Madagascar – Milk Stout - £4.50

·       Moo-Hoo Chocolate Milk Stout – Milk Stout - £5.80

·       Perennial Fantastic Voyage – Milk Stout - £6.20

·       Tree House That’s What She Said – Milk Stout - £14.37

 

Food

All of our meals come from UK’s no. 1 children’s cookery author and weaning expert, Annabel Karmel. All dishes have been hand-picked by Kit and awarded the industry’s highest accolade: The Gurgle of Approval.

Mains  

Sweet Potato and Kale Croquettes - £4.50

Want to put your parents to shame by eating vegetables they’ve never seen before, then this is the one for you.

Baby’s First Omelette - £5.00

Stalin said ‘you can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs’ – this was his dark excuse for eradicating his opposition. Here at The Thumb and Lanyard though we’ve designed an omelette that will make you forget the dish's sinister past as you revel in its eggy goodness.

Baby’s First Bolognese Sauce - £6.50

Put your bib on and get your slurp on. A messy delight.

My Favourite Frittata  - £10.00

Brought a friend? Then this is ideal for sharing. A communal dish you can burble over.

Rice and Chicken Curry - £7.50

Why should adults be the ones to have a Friday curry? With just a pinch of korma curry powder, it won’t have you running to your nappy.

 

Dessert

Petit Filous Yoghurts - £1.00

Flavours available: Strawberry, Raspberry and Vanilla

Grandma’s Banana Bread - £5.20

Spring Surprise (Strawberry Yoghurt and Milky Bar White Chocolate) - £9.99

 

Upcoming Events

17th May – Get Up ‘N’ Boogie

Bring your parents along to our all-night nursery rhyme rave. DJ Giraffe will be taking us through to 6am.

 

25th June – Ball Pool Disco

In what we hope is an annual event, we’ll remove all of the pub furniture and replace with balls. ‘Babies: you will go to the ball …pool.’

 

Every Sunday – Pub Quiz

Sample questions:

1.     What is the short, thick first digit on the human hand?

2.     What part of the hand did hitchhiker’s use to get a lift?

3.     Complete the childhood chant, ‘One, Two, Three, Four, I declare a _____ war.’

4.     Complete the Shakespeare line, ‘I do not bite my _____at you, Sir.’

5.     What fairy-tale Tom was very tiny?

 

Our Promise

We guarantee you a good time at The Thumb and Lanyard. If in the very unlikely chance you don’t think we meet the promised standards, then please don’t throw your dummy out and scrawl a negative comment on your parents’ wall. Simply wail at a manager and we’ll sort the issue out there and then.

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