Week 22: Tea and Biscuits

 


Mother 1: Ralph was crying throughout the night. I was just worried that he was uncomfortable or in pain.

Mother 2: The same happened with my Becky.

 

(Meanwhile)

 

Ralph: I cried through the night last night. I just wanted to see my mummy.

Becky. And the Academy Award goes to…

Ralph: Ha! Ha! Ha!

Becky: Ha! Ha! Ha!

______________________________________________________

Mother 1: I’m thinking of moving William onto solids soon. He’s looking at the spoon the same way my husband looks at Margot Robbie.

Mother 2: I’ve started Lily on solids. She’s just not getting on with it at all. I’m worried I might have jumped the gun. I probably should have waited until she was six months.

 

(Meanwhile)

 

William: I don’t know when mum is going to start me on solids. I’ve stared at the spoon. I’ve reached for the spoon. I’ve cried out for the spoon.

Lily: Don’t wish your milk away. It’s nothing but pureed vegetables. I thought I would have what they have: chips, sausages, curry, ice cream. For three days running she’s given me parsnip and carrot. I’m on hunger strike until a Big Mac is delivered to my plate.

____________________________________________________________________________

Mother 1: So I’m going to leave them with a bottle for the first time, so I can meet a friend for a coffee. I feel so guilty leaving Oliver though. I haven’t been without them since they were born.

Mother 2: I went out with a girlfriend – sans baby - for the first time last week. Oscar didn’t care one bit.

 

(Meanwhile)

 

Oliver: Mummy has said she’s going out this afternoon without me. She’s leaving me with Granny.

Oscar: The same thing happened to me last week. Who do they think they are, going without us? I don’t want a cover teacher to stand in. I mean who do they think they are? They should be at our beck and call 24/7. An hour out of that is a complete dereliction of duty. I expect them to be there when I want them. I mean just how selfish are they?

________________________________________________________________________________

Mother 1: I went to a new sensory play class with Elsa last week. She loved it. You should come next week.

Mother 2: Sounds great. Vanessa loves the disco light we’ve got at home.

 

(Meanwhile)

 

Elsa: Went to this sensory play thing last week. It was all flashing lights and being tickled with feathers.

Vanessa: Sounds like how they torture prisoners of war. Thank God I don’t have to go.

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