Week 39: King Jude

 


'Baby of babies and Infant of infants, we give thee this crown. Jude is thy servant Lord, although servant is something of a misnomer as his cuteness means he can lord it over all. May this crown endow him with a settled stomach, a sensible body clock and a smooth passage through teething. It is these virtues that will provide his parents with rest in the months ahead.

The seat that you sit on today is a seat of prestige, Jude, authorised by the almighty Jeff Bezos, who, as a keen collector of consumer data, is all knowing; and, with his ‘legal’ tax evasion, all-wealthy. May Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg allow the dissemination of false information to sustain your throne for ever and ever.

I now invite those who wish to offer their support to King Jude to do so by joining in at the end and saying, “God save the Jude!”

Jude, your shirt is fire, your smile lit, your lashes on point. All the mandem want to be you. You are the GOAT. Swear down.

Jude, our King, may you reign in glory. Accept all our blessings in the name of The Thief, The Wife and The Canoe, which was a good ITV drama. A woman.'


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